The Soy
Pups spoke to me of man's eternal inhumanity to man. I wept,
I smiled, I had heart palpitations. (S. - 4/9/03) |
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Deborah,
You are a goddess. Just saw your work on the Food Network and
you warmed the cockles of my heart (whatever those are). Growing
up, my mom burnt everything. I had no idea how cool that was
until tonight. You have healed my soul, thank you. Keep up the
fine work, (K.C. - 10/1/02)
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Sir & Ma'am - I must congratulate
you on the presentation of such seminal works as displayed on
your website, I only can aspire to producing such definitive
pieces.
Whilst I have never had the need to identify myself as an artist
and researcher in the field of Carbonized Carbohydrates (my
results speak most eloquently for themselves) I feel the general
public -- and perchance my family -- may pay more respect and
attention to my endeavors were I to possess a protective garment
as described.
Do forward details of their prospective availability at your
convenience. Regards (M.) |
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| It
really strikes a note as, in grade school when they asked what
peoples mothers did for a hobby, I said "My mom burns pots."
I think I am one of the privileged few to witness their mom in
safety glasses using a metal stripper to whack burnt gunk off
a pot! (MB - 6/23/03) |
---o0o--- |
I am happy to see that I
am not alone in the world when it comes to culinary endeavors
that have experienced, for a lack of a better term, a metamorphosis.
I was also thrilled to see the art that arises from utensil
neglect. I have a cutting board that is permanently etched
with the impression of a burner ring. Of course, it is a limited
edition ... Just to let you know that art exists which unintentionally
mimics burnt food: In the shoe department of our department
store there used to be "blackened" wall sculptures
that my daughter said were very reminiscent of my cooking.
Your site is too much fun! I would love to contribute some
artifacts, let me know. (J in Michigan - 3/30/03) (However, don't ask me to
relive the goldfish bowl on the stove experience)
[Editor's note: but of course
I had to ask]
Several
years ago my daughter had two goldfish, Christian and Dior,
aptly named for our favorite pastime, shopping and fashion.
For some reason I put the fishbowl on top of the stove. You
have to understand that most of the time my stove is off,
and virtually unused. There is no grease in my kitchen, grease
would mean that I had cooked something. I usually moved the
fish when I turned on the burners, which was mostly to boil
water. On this occasion I turned on the oven instead, but
forgot to move the fish ... Sad to say we had "bouillabaisse,"
by the time I returned. Poor fishies ... I felt horrible,
being an animal lover. I still don't know why I chose to put
them on the stove. Maybe they did not coordinate with the
colors in my living room, who knows. (J. in Michigan - 4/1/03)
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How can we submit something to your
museum? This morning we awoke to very strong "burnt"
smell in the house. When we got down to the kitchen we noticed
that the microwave door was open, and there was plastic stuck
to the bottom of the turntable. We questioned our 14-year-old
son concerning this. It seems that last night he attempted to
make Kraft macaroni and cheese as a late-night snack. The charred
remains were in his room as he attempted to hide the fact. Never
mind he couldn't have possibly hidden the tell-tale smell. The
Is there a possibility of submitting such an item to you? (S.B.)
[Editor's note: click here for Kruncheroni
& Cheese] |
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"I
thought you might enjoy one of mine - alas, no pictures exist,
though. I put a turkey into the oven on ultra-low (low temp
overnight is my usual way of doing this, makes it very tender
and moist) and promptly went into early labor. I spent six days
in the hospital flat on my back until they got it stopped, was
sent home with orders to stay in bed until I was supposed to
have the baby, and walked in to find what appeared to be a perfect
(though blackened) paper-maiche' model of a roast turkey, still
cooking away. When we tried to throw it out it was perfectly
mummified and crumbled to the touch. Even the bones, which appeared
to be modeled out of a crumbly powder-like substance, possibly
cornstarch. We decided that this piece would have more artistic
meaning if it was of an ephemeral nature, and threw it out.
(S. 7/29/03) |
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[And
on that same theme...]
"Attached is evidence of what happens when the thermometer
you are using with your deep-fryer malfunctions. Apparently,
cooking turkey at a bazillion degrees is not recommended."
(D.O. - 7/17/03)
[Click
here for the evidence but please note Editor's advisory:
I was kind of a vegetarian before I saw this photo -
now I'm REALLY one!]
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And people thought I was
nuts when I displayed 6 chile peppers that I put on the grill
to roast, drank 3 beers after a LONG day at work, layed down...well
I'm sure you can guess the rest... I had them for about 2 years
and believe it or not, I threw them away just last week... I
had them on the counter with an ear of corn, shaped like a foot
... That, and a potato shaped like a heart ...But the peppers
are (were) my favorite. (DW - 10/13/02) |
---o0o--- |
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Dear
Ms. (oh rats, forgot, I'm sorry, be right back) Henson-Conant,
Thank you SO much for providing us inept chefs and their offspring
with the Museum of Burnt Food website. Oh to have had a camera
at the ready when my mother prepared venison jerky...and took
a long nap. You've brought back wonderful memories of my dear
departed mother and her vivid attempts at culinary uh...feats?
The time she boiled a giant pot of cranberries (how DID she
get the white ceiling turned red you ask? I have no clue but
I remember we had to repaint). The time she made a fish chowder
so bad even the cats wouldn't eat it ... I hope one day to be
able to add my own inept contribution to your museum.
Thank you, (S.S. - 3/30/03) |
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| I
recently did $10,000 worth of damage to our kitchen making a round
of Soy Taquitos (the oil splattered, the smoke alarm didn't go
off!...no one was hurt!). Do you have T-Shirts? (anonymous - 10/3/02) |
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| "We
here at Heritage House Museum feel that there should be a separate
exhibit for culinary creations - suitable for the museum - that
have been burnt using heritage techniques. Our 1860's bake oven
is more than capable of matching any creation from a standard
oven or microwave! If you would like any samples, they appear
regularly. Why, just yesterday, we had burnt cookies. Burnt
tea biscuits are popular with our visiting senoirs groups. So
you can see that there is a rich, and untapped source for your
museum. We would love to hear from you, keep up the good work!
(The staff at Heritage House Museum,Smiths Falls, Ontario, Canada
- 7/23/03)
[Editor’s
Note: Click
here to see their kitchen] |
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Saw the piece on "Un-wrapped Food",
and loved your creative ideas on
what to do with burned food. I run a senior meal program,
and would love to
be able to purchase one of your aprons. (M.B. - 4/28/03)
[No problem! Just click
here for aprons ]
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What
a surprise to have on the "Food Network" last night,
and discover the hysterically funny piece on the Museum of Burnt
Food! We had been told that we should watch "Everyone/Everybody?
Loves Raymond", as we have never seen it......and needed
to know what all the fuss was about......WELL.... The show started
out with such canned laugher, (YUK) that we opted instead to
proceed to our old standby, "The Food Network"......only
to find ourselves really laughing with your segment. But perhaps
the best for me, was.......that you are the person who performs
at a good many of our "non-burnt" dinner parties.
I adore your "Budapest" CD, which I have had a couple
years!!! What a wonderful coincidence. And the long colorful
"locks" you adorned in the television piece, are really
wonderful. Different from the look on your CD, certainly. (S.C.-
10/1/02) |
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Well,
well, I thought I was totally alone in the "gack gack gacking
on the phone" and forgot about my stuff on the stove!!
I was making shredded boiled beef, for enchiladas. I had a small
amount of water, 1# of beef, onions, jalapeno, and spices, in
a covered pan on HIGH, and walked outside to call 9 women for
a Bunco party... and boiled the HELL out of it! At least the
lid on the pan kept the flames from happening! The whole house
was full of smoke... the smell was horrible ..... I just heard
about your "Burnt Museum" on Unwrapped... otherwise,
I would have sent you the 1" thick charred meat. Thanks
for making me feel like I am not alone burning something! (G.W.
- 1/27/03) |
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[How
many people do you know get emails like this:]
We have a burned pot pie that has been in the oven for over
a month... Would you like us to mail it to you? (D. - 7/10/03)
I heard you needed cookies ...I
got 12 perfectly burnt cookies if you want them (anon. - 1/28/03)
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I saw you and your site on Food Network. Interesting hobby.
My compliments to you learning the harp, that's not an easy
feat to do. (D - 10/30/02) [Editor's note: um... thanks ...
I think]
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Last
night I boiled water for tea in my small T-Fal Pot, I then got
involved in a sewing project. I started to smell something burning
and thought I had overheated the sewing machine. I shut the
machine, but still smelled the burning and remembered my tea
water. The pot was ruined and I boiled water in my microwave.
This morning, on my way to the trash can with the pot, I remembered
I had seen the Burnt Food Museum on the television show Unwrapped.
I was wondering if you accept exhibits, and if you would be
interested in my pot. (M.R. - 12/1/02)
[Editor's Note: that very pot sits on our shelf
now] |
| ---o0o--- |
I
saw your segment on Unwrapped this week. I haven't laughed that
hard in a loooong time. Brilliant. It made me wish I was a bad
cook, so I could contribute an installation to the museum. Although
now that I think of it, I do tend to burn cookies. Hmmm. You
might be hearing from me soon. Take care, (J - 10/2/02) |
---o0o--- |
I
just saw the segment on "Unwrapped" on FoodTV about
your museum. I was THRILLED to see the "free-standing apple
cider" because I DID THE SAME THING several years ago.
By the time I noticed the smoke coming out of the kitchen, the
pot was bone dry. It looked just like yours -- a black, evil-looking,
porous rock! I feel so much better -- I'm not the only person
who made a stovetop meteorite out of apple cider. But mine would
not come out of the pot. I tried everything to clean it, even
chipped at it with a chisel, and finally ended up throwing the
pot out. But now I see I should have hung it on the wall and
considered it an achievement in food art. Great idea. (L in
SF - 1/27/03) |
| ---o0o--- |
| [Editor's
note: I'm leaving this space here because I'm not at all clear
how I'm supposed to make a new space for when I have time to
add more testimonials -- so this is just a safety space. You
can ignore it] |
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You may
be aware that the Museum of Burnt Food has a King.
Winchester
is known for its famous King Alfred, a real Saxon king, and
there is a very large bronze statue of him in the High St.
His fame is "He Burnt the Cakes." He was actually
one of the greatest King of Wessex, i.e., Southern England.
There's a photo of his statue at:
http://www.cityofwinchester.co.uk/history/html/king_alfred.html
(P.L. - 4/30/04)
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| That
was a really great piece you did on the food network. I especially
enjoyed it due to the fact that I had (seconds earlier) made
my own burnt masterpiece while attempting to bake a short cake.
The irony is that it would not have burnt if I had not been
watching the show!! Thank you. (C.K. - 7/14/04) |
| ---o0o--- |
| Stay tuned for more .... |
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